Nothing to be ashamed off...

Yesterday going back home on the train I had time to reflect for a couple of minutes until someone stepped on my foot.

This summer presented me with this amazing opportunity to work on myself. Something in me grasps it. Something embraces it. And, of course, there is another part. The old story begins - that part does not want to go through the turmoil. But not that it doesn’t want it a 100%. It’s just that this part is tired and needs to be re-energized a bit. Once it gets a little breather, it’s becomes less disinterested.

But there is no breather. And this is what is great about this summer. It shattering a naïve outlook I had about myself. About my abilities to work. About my accomplishments in these years efforts. Accomplishments? What’s that? Everything still happens with me. Efforts? What efforts? One effort that I would attempt against one little push of a button?

I learnt to play checkers and make a good move once in a while. What happens when the game changes to chess? Where are the previous simple efforts - the ones that can help me? Can they? If they can’t, then I was going in a completely wrong direction and have to start from the very beginning. I would like to think that I was working in the right direction. But how little! And, again, how naïvely!

I was thinking about all this last night, while my father was trying pair after pair of jeans in the “XXX store”. Right in there by the shelves where jeans were displayed. Replying to my suggestion to use the fitting room with “Nothing to be ashamed off, I am wearing my brand new trousers”.